Ahoy, Matey's!

One of my students today was confused about a grade on and English paper. He made the mistake of letting a peer read the funny parts to the class:

"When the character finally mated his adventure, he looked back on all he had done."

"Being mated with the ordeal was a great feeling for the main character and his family."

What a difficult way to find that "mate" doesn't mean "to finish" in quite the way he was thinking.

I'm happy

that my Dad got to do this for one of his daughters.

Not true!

True Story

C is a sophomore who still flirts like a 3rd grader--she pulls hair, punches, says rude things, and GIGGLES entirely too much.

On several occasions I have said, "C--that's no way to get a boyfriend."

Today, C was flirting with Z. She picked up his binder and threw it on the ground. She stole his pencil. She giggled when he got mad about the binder. She asked to go to the bathroom, and on the way out the door she pulled Z's hair.

When she knocked to get back inside the classroom, Z didn't want to let her in. I told him to just tell her that he wasn't interested.

She came back in the room, sat down, and squirted Z with a water bottle. Z yelled, quite loudly, "C! Stop it! I don't like you like that! Leave me alone!"

So C got up, walked over, and pushed Z and his desk right over.

Today in Class

"Mrs. Jensen! You're almost as nice as my mom....and she's really mean."

And while grading papers: 21-1=2

The 1 just falls off, people.

Free to good home

I wanted to try this technique, called cathedral windows, so I made this pillow.

It turned out slightly poopy, and doesn't match anything in my house. I covered the most poopy parts with buttons.

Anybody want it? You can have it for free! (Without the pillow form)

We went

to New York City. A long time ago. I put the rest of the pictures on my facebook because I'm too lazy to blog them.
It's the end of the school year, I'm tired.

Special Request

I've had a call for more stories. Nothing exciting has happened the last couple of weeks--the kids and I are tolerating each other until TAKS review is over. So this is from last year.

A, a male student, asks to go to bathroom.

Me: Ok

A: Can G (another male) come with me?

Me: No

A: Why not?

Me: Because you're a big boy

A: MRS. JENSEN!! IT'S NOT GONNA SHAKE ITSELF!!

Torpedoes

Last week, I had the pleasure of giving the TAKS test. During a break from my 6 HOURS of staring at children (that your tax dollars pay for, by the way. Thanks.) I went to Chipotle for some lunch. I saw a former student, who is currently taking calculus at the high school, at Chipotle with his mother.

Me: Hey, P.

P: Hey, Mrs. J. This is my mom.

Me: Nice to meet you. So, P, how is calculus going?

P: Mr J. has torpedoes for nipples!! And he says a lot of things that can be taken sexually. Like one time, he told us we had to really straddle the problem and tweak it a little bit.

Me: silence

P's mom: Well, it was certainly nice to meet you. P really enjoyed PreCal last year.

Perceptions

I have an ESL Algebra I class, which means I teach math and try to improve English skills at the same time. Every day they get a warm-up to start with. Here's an example of one I gave:

Remember, these kids don't know English. Don't judge.

Well, a student in PreCalculus came in and saw the warm up on the board, so he thought he would participate:

Ah, the calculator watch makes another appearance...

Sunday Sewing

One of my finer teaching moments

immortalized forever.

Seriously People

Dear Parents--

If you are having an issue with something your child's teacher is or is not doing, it's best to let them know as soon as possible. Or if there are special circumstances, let's inform the teacher at meet the teacher night. For instance, if your child has a hearing impairment and needs to be seated in the front at all times, let's not wait until JANUARY 29TH to call the teacher. And yell at her. Because her son isn't making good grades. Because he can't hear. Because he's not in the front row. Because the teacher didn't know it was an issue.

Desktop

M comes in a couple times a week now to draw a picture in paint and save it as my background. Here's two of the best so far...

Saturday

I was wondering

if a girl, age 8, with dark hair, thought this was ugly. I'm undecided. But her opinion really counts. The fabric was a lot cuter sitting in a pile together before I cut it and sewed it together.

26

is about to be my new age. Good thing I got asked if I was selling girl scout cookies today or I might think I was getting old.

Hair

Erin: "Mrs. J, did you get your hair cut?"
Me: "Yeah, yesterday. What do you think?"
Isaiah: "Oh, I just thought you fixed it today."

Hell on Earth

Until you've sat through a professional development meeting at a school, you haven't experienced the 7th circle of hell. From today:

*In a gradeschool teacher voice. This lady taught 2nd grade* "I would like to give you some strategies for note-taking now that you can take back to your classrooms. I have used these strategies, and I really think they are of great value. The first is...


writing with a pencil."

Seriously. Had to hear about that one for 15 minutes.

In other news, I totally saved a life today! A kid during first period all the sudden was on the ground making crazy "I'm in pain save me" noises. I ran to get the nurse! She called another nurse! And they called 911! So he went to the hospital and had his appendix out.

Announcements

This actually happened today. I was a little uncomfortable!

Our principal likes to add his own little announcements every day after the student body president does the pledge and all the boring stuff. Sometimes it's a little story, sometimes a reminder about something, sometimes trash talking another school that Georgetown's about to paly, whatever. But, today, it was racy!

Today was the second day back from school, and Mr. T gets on the announcements to remind everyone about dress code and electronics.

"Remember, ipods, cell phones, and other electronics are not allowed. I know all of you like to have something electronic in every orifice, it seems, but let's try to keep those at home."

I almost died.